Day 159 – What To Expect From a Toddler
Ha! As if a toddler were predictable! Ha again!
If there is anyone out there who reads my blog and doesn’t already have a toddler or two…or three hanging off you right now, I’m going to tell you everything you can expect and you can save yourself $14.99. This is from experience people. It’s not pretty!
Expect to hear yourself saying things like this: “Noooooo! You can’t invite the neighbor kids in for a bath!”
Or this: “No, I did NOT have a pet dinosaur.”
Or shrieking this (weekly if your lucky, daily if your me): “Why are you naked?! Don’t eat that off the floor! That’s not where a finger goes!!!!”
Expect to be able to finish the following lyrics: “Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga, … “(I know 3/4 of you just finished that song.)
Expect to wear someone’s lunch on your shirt, pants, bra (how did that get there?) and socks. Expect this every day. There is no exception to this rule.
Expect to watch the hair on your head turn grey and the hairs on your chin turn black. Don’t worry though your toddler will probably squirt, puke, project something in your eye and you won’t be able to see it anymore anyway.
Expect to change your fantasies of a day at the spa, followed by dinner at a posh restaurant to fantasies of
a day an hour to sit at home in the quiet and dark and hopefully not make eye-contact with a toy (nothing more).
Expect that when you get all packed up and ready to get on the road, and you’re finally on time somewhere, someone will poop in their car seat. It will probably be 95 degrees outside. This is how it happens.
Expect that if you are 20 minutes late getting somewhere and you are all packed in the car, someone will poop in their car seat.
Expect that sometimes they will come from you and sometimes in public. “I. JUST.BOUGHT.YOU.THAT. JACKET! WHO GAVE YOU A SHARPEE MARKER?!?!?!?! ” I overheard this one at Wal-Mart. It wasn’t me. Poor lady.
Expect that you will be out-lasted. A child can come into your room 450 times a night to ask if they can sleep in there. They do not tire of this game. You do.
Expect that you will give in at least once.
Expect that you will get no sleep that night. A two foot tall toddler can take up more space in a king sized bed than two (eh…King sized? Pleasantly Plump? Goddess Physique?) adults. Every part of that child will be sharp and pointy. You will wake up with an elbow or a toe in your nose.
Expect to go to bed every night totally exhausted, but in grateful wonder at being blessed with the gift of motherhood/fatherhood and the little angels in your charge.
So… I know what to expect from my toddlers. I can let this go.
Anything else you’d like to add? I know a lot of you have some toddler experience under your belts too. Let’s enlighten our friends and save them a buck.
Oh and one last thing…
I went to the thrift store, you know, to drop off this. Lookey, Lookey what I found!
Sometimes while I am out donating I like poke around and see what’s there. Sometime I get a stealthy photo and share it here.
Now you can show off your size 13 man-pedicure whilst shooting hoops or picking up the kids from school-Form AND Function!! Why would someone donate these?