Vacation Guest Post: The Bearded Iris Tackles Mental Clutter
26 Jul
I’m on vacation. Decluttering will resume in one week. See you then.
In the meantime, some of my awesome blogging buddies have agreed to fill in a bit. I hope you enjoy getting a sample of some different writers.
Next up: The Bearded Iris decluttering the way only Iris can. Really, who else could make decluttering smutty? Theres’ only one, Iris!
When my oldest child was 2 and 1/2 years old, his Grandparents introduced him to the classic Disney film, Lady and the Tramp. It became Nature Boy’s favorite movie for a minute there. And that made his Grandparents very happy because it was their favorite Disney movie too.
The background story being that my Stepfather fancied himself as the rogue moustached mutt, “Tramp,” and my Mom identified with “Lady,” the classy well-kept pet from the right side of the tracks.
In the animated movie, Tramp courts prim and proper Lady, Lady falls for wild and fancy-free Tramp, Tramp saves Lady’s family from a disgusting rat, Lady’s family adopts Tramp, and the happy ending: Lady and Tramp make puppies. That’s a polite way of saying Tramp and Lady DO IT…as in sex…presumably doggie style, being that they’re dogs and all.
Fine. Whatever. I like a good love story as much as the next gal…just not one involving my Mom. I was in my teens when my Mom met, dated, and married my Stepfather. I liked him then. Still do. But let me tell you something, I don’t want to know the randy details of their courtship or marriage. Ick!
Selfish? Immature? Yes and yes. Guilty as charged.
Well excuu-u-uuuse me, but who wants to hear about their Mom gettin’ jiggy wi’ it? It’s like watching a movie with your parents when a hot sex scene comes on… awkward. And seeing pictures circa 1986 of your Stepdad in a Speedo on a romantic weekend getaway with your Mom is a vision that you can never un-see. {Seriously, the horror.}
So anyway, back to the story. My Mom bought a matching pair of these *adorable* Disney stuffed animals for my son that year for Christmas. He played with them ONCE. And they’ve been cluttering up my house ever since.
My two younger kids never got into this movie the way my oldest did, so these stuffies have just been in a basket collecting dust mites for the past 9 years. Nine. Frickin.’ Years.
And every time I see those stuffed dogs with their huge creepy Disneyfied eyes and open panting mouths, I think of my Mom and Stepdad “dating.”
Life is too short to keep something around that conjures images of one’s Mom doing the nasty.
So earlier this year when I accidentally stumbled upon Declutter Daily and the wonderful Megan who introduced me to the concept of getting rid of just one thing every day, I knew I needed to act. And I found myself looking at those freaky-deaky-dogs, swallowing back the bile, and asking: “WWMD?” (“What would Megan do?”)
Megan would have sent those things to her local thrift store with nary a second glance. But I thought my Mom might appreciate having them at her house as a souvenir of her wild courtship years. So I put those stuffed horn-dogs in a shopping bag and brought them with me to my Mom’s house. And now they are where they rightfully belong…on my Mom’s bed, out of my sight, and hopefully out of my brain.
Goodbye, Lady. Goodbye, Tramp. Hello serenity. I’m linking this to orgjunkie.
Iris. I’ll never look at the movie the same way again! LOL That used to be one of our favourites too but now all I can see is your step Dad getting all excited in his Speedos! Thanks for that! LOL I used to love those Disney stuffed animals too. But not sure anymore! LOL
Anne xx
Oh Anne – I’m so sorry. But also, you’re welcome. Stuffed animals = clutter, and Disney stuffies = creepy clutter.
Aargh! Dating parents!
I always thought it was funny that a Disney movie has the word ‘Tramp’ in its title.
ME Too. But it sounds better than “Lady and the Hobo” or “Lady and the Reformed Gigolo.” Besides, that was the 50s. Our generation has commandeered so many formerly innocent words, like tramp, gay, taco, etc.
Somehow I figured out when I was young that tramp wasn’t such a good word. So I suggest we rename it “Lady and the Scamp.” That way, dear Iris, you can have visions (i.e., nightmares) of your mom and stepdad scampering about the boudoir, he in his Speedos and she in her Speedon’ts. hahahaha. Nailed ya with that image seared forever in your brain (I hope).
P.S. I am personally offended by the way your mom posed those adorable stuffed animals. Lady should be on her back, the way parents always “do it.”
Foiled again, BFF (Best Freaky Friend). When I hear “Scamp” I think “Scampi” and then I want to eat buttery garlicky shrimp. So nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah, still not thinking about my mom having sex. But now YOU are. Ha! Ha! Ha! Wait. I take that back. Stop it!
I totally laughed out loud at that photo!!!
Really? So soft-filtered humping Disney stuffies is funny to you? What kind of a monster are you, woman?
Kidding. I knew you were one of us. Mwah-ha-ha!
I’ll be babysitting my sweet nephews next week so I’ll be sure to keep that trashy Disney porn out of my house! Thanks for the heads up!
…and hide your other porn too. Just sayin’.
We’re way over 40, none of that stuff around. Besides, we can’t stay up later than our kids anymore so when would we watch???
It fills my heart to know that I’m not the only one who sees the world through tequila filled, demented glasses… Love it, Iris!!
Right back atcha, Heather. Thanks for making me feel so normal and loved!
I don’t see what’s so funny? Isn’t Lady sick and Tramp is pushing her to the hospital… I just see two friends, taking care of each other and doing the right thing. That’s what my hamsters were doing when I was a kid…. at least, that’s what my mother told me.
“two friends, taking care of each other?”
My parents called it the balloon game. And now I’m off to see my therapist.
I certainly hope you put those on your mom’s bed just like that. Hey it’s my personal favorite position lately, believe it or not, easiest on the joints…. you know with my lupus and all. There I just substituted your parents for me and DH! EEWWWW my grown kids would agree with you!!
Holy CRAP, Cheryl! I….I….I’m speechless. Your kids and I need group therapy after that one.
I am seriously laughing so hard that my kids just came running into the room to see if I’m okay.
Wow, even I feel the oppression lifting since you got those creepy stuffies out of the house! However, I am completely disturbed that you held on to them for so long… what else is hiding in your drawers!?
Oh, you know, the usual… vintage mom jeans, a Fisher Price Little People/toe-breaker collection, Paula Deen (riding things). I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!
I was reading this, thinking, “Hm, this is tame for Iris.”
And then I read Allysgrandma’s comment. And…wow!
I know! I was trying to behave since I’m not at home. And yes, Allysgrandma’s comment…BEST. COMMENT. EVER.